She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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