It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
