Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
