Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
