I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
