I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
