I like my sex mixed with concussions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
