ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
