Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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