don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
