haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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