I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
