p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You can't special order awesome
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
