Someone shit on the floor
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
