I cannot find my penis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
