I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
