Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
