He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
