I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
