OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
40s are totally the cure
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
