we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
whose parrot is this?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
