You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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