and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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