i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
