There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
