What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
