What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
