I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
