Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
