yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize