i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
