She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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