sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
