I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
