There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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