was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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