You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
