No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
