Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
