he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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