How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
