I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
