If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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