and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
