i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
