You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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