were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
