i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
