butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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