1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
