The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
