Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
