i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
