she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
