we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
FUCK WHALES
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