Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
