So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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