New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
True college students do jello shots in the library
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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