I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
