We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
