Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
