The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize