Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
