sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
