lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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