whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
