I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize