I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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